Robert Black@hurricanexyz.bsky.social·2026-09-28T00:18:01.774Z
(I think the problem with speculating about "in theory" re: weird sex stuff is that people's own attitudes about what they want or are comfortable with are SO pervasively socially constructed. We could live in a world where everyone felt comfortable walking around naked all the time!)

Robert Black@hurricanexyz.bsky.social·2026-09-28T00:19:25.816Z#
(THAT BEING SAID don't think I don't have the germ of an essay knocking around my head trying to theorycraft a new liberal sexual mores/ethics from first principles 😅)
rahaeli@rahaeli.bsky.social·2026-09-28T01:32:59.424Z#
yeah, but the kink and polyamory communities have actually worked out rules for doing this *more* safely (often honored more in the breach than the observance, but they EXIST) and none of these people have learned any of them
Robert Black@hurricanexyz.bsky.social·2026-09-28T01:52:00.637Z#
Oh yeah for sure (The inchoate essay I mention above wouldn't really be about kink-land, not least because my knowledge there is zilch haha. Possibly it would benefit from knowing more about those communities and their norms than I actually do 😅)
The Alleywitch: Spellcraft as a Service@alleywitch.cards·2026-09-28T01:56:42.261Z#
They reinvented kink and polyamory and made it shittier, just like they reinvented taxis and so forth and made it shittier? It makes sense in hindsight.
TKarney@pecunium.bsky.social·2026-09-28T01:40:35.903Z#
It’s quite doable. One just has to be honest, and a bit vulnerable. One of the more wholesome things about KinkdotCom is that they make a point of showing the consent before scenes. “What are your hard noes, what are your soft noes; the safe word for “too much” the safe word for ALL STOP”
TKarney@pecunium.bsky.social·2026-09-28T01:40:35.904Z#
They do it to model safer kink for their audience. It can be done; people can choose to treat each other as beings with equivalent agency.
Buttadeus@thewanderingjew.bsky.social·2026-09-28T00:19:59.486Z#
Oh yeah it’s not the specifics of the sexual behavior at all, it’s just that there are too many factors
Buttadeus@thewanderingjew.bsky.social·2026-09-28T00:20:55.028Z#
Like sex is anarchic and unfair in ways that tend towards really undermining any kind of complex arrangements. And a fair number of simple ones.
Buttadeus@thewanderingjew.bsky.social·2026-09-28T00:25:08.635Z#
Like it kind of breaks the concept of “bargained for exchange” most of the time
Robert Black@hurricanexyz.bsky.social·2026-09-28T00:33:26.936Z#
Right. Which is actually quite interesting!
Buttadeus@thewanderingjew.bsky.social·2026-09-28T00:34:09.951Z#
Yes but also why I see little hope for any of it coming together in a stable way
Buttadeus@thewanderingjew.bsky.social·2026-09-28T00:35:24.716Z#
I will ponder though