Z.V. Anjali: "so many issues here, but among them: they are SO CONCERNED about neurodivergent men supposedly being unable to navigate asking women out while respecting consent, and not at all concerned about neurodivergent women having to thread the needle of saying no clearly but not in a "shaming" way" / Blueviewer

local margin scribbler@stealmyposts.bsky.social·2026-09-28T12:19:47.246Z #

so here's the fun thing about neurodivergent men. they're kinda like pokemon... if their first evolution, cute, clueless and just want to do their special interest and/or play. then comes the second evolution, when they realize that sex and other people exist and then they get awkward

local margin scribbler@stealmyposts.bsky.social·2026-09-28T12:19:47.247Z #

some have the self-awareness that they aren't easy and so try to make up for it in other ways. some decide that if this fabulous person likes me then i need to what it takes to be a good partner. even if they're a little messy about it. some get bitter and decide it's everyone else's problem

local margin scribbler@stealmyposts.bsky.social·2026-09-28T12:19:47.248Z #

then comes the third evolution, which in it's best form is combination special interest wizard and wife-guy. in it's worst form... ugh so i'll leave you with my mental picture of most neurodivigent kids

Rob Hanna@robhanna.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:26:25.388Z #

Me: that's a ridiculous concern, autistic men like me are perfectly capable of understanding consent. Also me: never initiated kissing, it's always a thing where I need it made excessively clear that she wants to be kissed. And that's just fine. Girls are capable of doing that, if they want.

Boolassa@dalassa.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:10:19.896Z #

So many sex pests get excused by defenders saying they could be autistic, never do they think that autistic people are capable of not being sex pests or that women can be autistic too.

Z.V. Anjali@zvanjali.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:15:24.218Z #

Or that autistic people might be particularly vulnerable to abuse and harassment. Predators often exploit social norms that make their prey feel like saying no would be mean, and socially less-adept people have less ability to extricate themselves from that dynamic.

🇺🇸 RULE of LAW made AMERICA GREAT@mke-voter.bsky.social·2026-09-27T19:34:50.948Z #

Seems like the point is enabling abuse. This whole thread/conversation seems surreal - sounds like the premise of bad porn movies.

Worf's Aunt Masha from Babruysk@mashamasha.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:34:27.173Z #

Omg that's the story of my date-rape attempt from when I was 17. Was sitting on a park bench reading a book. An older man (28yo as he told me later) sat down next to me and asked what I was reading. I felt it would be impolite not to answer, so I said yes and we started talking.

Worf's Aunt Masha from Babruysk@mashamasha.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:36:27.980Z #

He followed that up with a number of small asks ("wanna walk around the block - I live here in this building", "want to stop by an ice cream shop for a treat"), that each one, in itself, felt like it would be absurd to say no to it. Until I found myself in his bed. Ice cream shops served champagne

Worf's Aunt Masha from Babruysk@mashamasha.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:38:05.978Z #

back then in St-Petersburg/Leningrad at the time, and he made sure to get me a glass in each of the 2-3 we stopped by. I was traumatized for life and didn't even walk through that park again for the next 3 years, and to him it was no big deal. (I ran into him there 3y later.)

Galina Esther Shubina, my coffee is my own@galsh.bsky.social·2026-09-28T18:58:00.343Z #

I am so sorry. I'd say that in my experience, Russia (USSR in my case) is still the most toxic place on all of these issues by a mile. My parents wouldn't let me walk home by myself from metro at 12-14y in what was considered a good area.

Island of Reil@islandofreil.northsky.social·2026-09-27T23:33:03.773Z #

I'm so sorry, Masha.

Some Random Susan@anysusan.bsky.social·2026-09-27T23:39:27.913Z #

💔 I’m so sorry. You did not deserve any of that.

Universal Healthcare@arthart.bsky.social·2026-09-27T20:14:20.460Z #

💖

Z.V. Anjali@zvanjali.bsky.social·2026-09-27T23:47:47.186Z #

Horrible! This is such textbook predation, the small asks taking advantage of your politeness, building up to a big imposition and eventually assault. He probably did it to others too.

Z.V. Anjali@zvanjali.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:37:51.828Z #

Yikes, I'm sorry that happened to you. That's exactly the kind of thing I mean.

Worf's Aunt Masha from Babruysk@mashamasha.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:39:58.979Z #

Thank you! I still think about him sometimes, wishing all the worst for him. ("He's 55 now, hope he's got ED." "He's 70 now, hope he didn't make it to 70.")

@informaldehyde.bsky.social·2026-09-27T19:39:14.145Z #

i think there’s a straight line, from SSC guy lowkey dissing Laurie Penny over this exact same point, to this (iykyk; otherwise, content warning: eternal 2014)

Brosephine so scary 🎃@joparkerbear.bsky.social·2026-09-27T23:14:11.077Z #

Some of the scariest experiences I’ve had with men were on occasions I said no and they “respected” that particular boundary. Instead they got aggressively angry and, in one case, screamed in my face as others just stood by looking on. I’m sure he felt “shamed” And that’s what we have to deal with

Castlevania Bravo@castlebravoli7.gobirds.online·2026-09-27T18:22:51.982Z #

I’m not going to steal autistic valor without a diagnosis but I’m definitely not the most neurotypical person who’s ever lived and you know how I solved that problem? Saying “hey sometimes I miss social cues, would you mind if I kissed you?” at the end of a date. It worked just fine!

Rob Hanna@robhanna.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:29:13.549Z #

The way it goes for me is being really nervous about stepping outside the normal protocol, and being really grateful when gitls take the initiative. Which they very often do. They would *prefer* not to have to, but such is life.

Z.V. Anjali@zvanjali.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:35:47.008Z #

Part of creating a culture of consent means people of any gender will need to explicitly express desire more often if they want that desire fulfilled.

Rob Hanna@robhanna.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:36:28.688Z #

Yeah, it's REALLY a thing that helps me out.

Castlevania Bravo@castlebravoli7.gobirds.online·2026-09-27T18:46:47.189Z #

That was my strategy but I realized it was costing me, sometimes potential partners do want someone who’ll take the lead. I just ask when I’m not sure now, the worst I’ve ever gotten was a playful “duh!”. If asking ever is a dealbreaker for someone then that’s just how it is, you can’t fuck everyone

Rob Hanna@robhanna.bsky.social·2026-09-27T18:47:15.946Z #

nodding.